#ARRIVING LATE FULL SIZE#

But by the time that 'suitable break' arrives there's a palpable sense of dread amongst the huddled misérables assembled around the grainy TV picture outside.

#ARRIVING LATE FULL SIZE#

The National falls somewhere in the middle – they mostly restrict entry until a suitable break in the performance, which usually comes about five minutes in to the play (ie when it snows and they slowly rotate the full size replica of the entire house they've built on stage). The Barbican is the absolute worst because, quite apart from the weird Disney ride self-closing door things being utterly inhospitable to latecomers, you can spend a full hour trying to find the theatre after arriving. Fringe theatres are mostly sympathetic but have layouts which preclude late entrances at all unless you're willing to become part of the performance. At the other end of the spectrum is the Royal Opera House, who aren't messing when they say 'no latecomers' – miss the start here and it's time to buy a bottle of champagne, because you won't be admitted until an interval.

At one end is the Globe, where you can turn up whenever you feel like it, scramble to your seats (or, better still, stand) and usually don't miss much except some weird Jacobean dance or lute player or something. Theatres are variable in their level of sympathy for latecomers. Turn up five minutes late to a restaurant reservation and your table will be waiting, five minutes late to a film and you're still only up to the Volvo adverts, five minutes late to a gig and the band haven't even come on yet – but turn up even two minutes late to the theatre and you're greeted by the disappointed face of the usher which seems to say 'Where have you been? Look, the doors are shut – and behind those doors are literally HUNDREDS of people simply more competent at everyday life tasks than you.' The problem with theatre, of course, is the inflexibility of its start time.

Arriving late